An Emo Moment (If You'll Indulge Me)

Today I feel like:

Blakey and RyRy are Married!

So it looks like Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds got married this weekend. Say what you will, but everyone needs a rebound marriage before getting back out there.

 Photo from US Weekly

 Seriously you guys, Reynolds needed someone to bounce back and Blake is super bouncy. And you should see how good she looks in a ScarJo mask!

Sources say Florence of Florence and the Machine performed because she is a "good friend" of the bride. Thanks for asking me, Blake. I guess all those hours I clocked listening to your drunken calls about your hair color meant nothing. (FYI- it WAS a total mistake to switch from "Golden Blonde" to "Shimmering Blonde" - I was just being nice. You look ridiculous.)

Have a great honeymoon, bitch.

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And for those of you who may be feeling badly for ScarJo, don't. While Bitch Barbie and Ken two were getting married in South Carolina, Scarlett was one Carolina above them, doing some serious hand-holding with Jared Leto at the DNC.

Photo Courtesy of E! if you couldn't tell.

I don't know what he was doing, but my guess is either: having a stroke or summoning the spirits of presidents past. Or trying to shave his awful beard with his mind. Look how happy they are!