And by people, I mean person, because surely there is one person out there in the universe that reads these. Hopefully, now that there may be life on Mars, my readership will increase.
So I've been gone. For a long time. So long, I didn't remember my password to long on to this shebang. Which probably means I'm getting old and my memory is going. I told you- it's been a long time.
An Explanation of my absence: it wasn't that I had forgotten you all (or maybe, you 1), but that I have been very very busy. Things I have done in the last year:
1. Cured polio
2. Cured some meats
3. Sold those cured meats on the internet and parlayed that success into a 4-star restaurant on the moon
4. Travelled to the moon
5. Mooned some people
6. Spent some time in jail for mooning said people
7. Wrote a tell-all memoir about my time in jail
8. Sold a pilot to OWN based on said memoir
9. Because best friends with Oprah, while working on said TV show about said memoir
10. Had a horrible falling out with best friend Oprah and lost TV deal in the process
11. Acquired debilitating Pixie Stix addiction
12. Went on a very scary bender in Candy Land
13. Went to rehab, (said "ok, ok, ok" when they tried to make me go)
14. Reintegrated into society, grew accustomed to Splenda
15. Freaked out when I saw a add for Candy Land on television
16. Broke a television
17. Broke my arm, in the process of breaking said television
18. Went to hospital, got cast
19. Fell in love with doctor, quit job, moved to suburbs, made many babies
20. Became a mommy blogger!
After that some bad shit went down, but suffice to say, I ended up exactly where I was but one year ago before all that happened. With a little more life experience under my belt.
And then I remembered you. All. One.
I hope you missed me too.
love,
Pretty Girl
