I only write things when I have something else--or really 2 other things, at least--that I am supposed to be writing instead. So, with two deadlines looming above my head (that were due yesterday) , I have decided to devote time to the prettiest thing I write. For the prettiest readers ever. And the truth is, I've been slacking lately. Because Suri Cruise is still out there, passing herself off as an actual person-child, even though she is secretly an alien. And I have not being keeping watch.
This week's evidence # 1: Suri was caught wearing lipstick yesterday. Now, you might think it's cute. But I'm sorry, playing dress-up at home, is different than showing up at a restaurant wearing lipstick. Especially when you're three. It's almost like she's wearing a disguise or something. And why? Brace yourselves....
Tom Cruise's explanation to Hello! magazine was this: "Suri's very much like her mother..."
Very much like her mother?!? Um, could he have given it away more? Why do you need to convince us of that Tommy? Why must you hammer in such an obvious fact? Obviously she'd be like her mother, unless.... are you hiding something? Like the fact Suri's real mom comes from the planet Stiuoplixlegilooo?
And by the way, a blogger at The National Post responded to this event by asking, "Is Suri Cruise the oldest 3 year old alive?" I respond to him: yes, because she is actually a 345 year old alien. Though that's considered young on her home planet of Yisdowjikkerlocz.
Evidence # 2: Check out this picture of Suri in Disney World, laughing with a Disney princess. Belle touches her heart, and opens her mouth with glee as she looks at adorable little Suri. Or wait- is Belle clutching her heart and opening her mouth to scream a silent scream of terror?
Look at the veins popping out of her neck! Did the alien baby just spray some sort of extraterrestrial bile from her mouth? Or did she lock her supernatural eyes with Belle's long enough for Belle to realize that she was looking into creepy, all-knowing, all-powerful alien eyes?
Clearly things are getting out of hand. And I promise to be better at keeping you updated -even if I don't desperately need a way to procrastinate.
