@Ihateyoutwitter

The internet is a dangerous place. Especially when you have important things to do. Important things to do on an ever encroaching deadline. 

Facebook has always been The Devil. And google is like the combined force of every other person (and there are many) who lives in the Devil's Frat House. And you think it can't possibly get worse than all that. Enter Twitter. Twitter, that slutty Gamma Phi Beta has teamed up with the entire Google Devil Fraternity to bring recreational stalking to a whole. New. Level. 

Yes, this is something so intense, so dramatic, each word gets its own period.

What happens when an estranged family member you're never met and never want to meet Facebook messages you? You delete it. And when they friend request you? You decline. And when they message you again? And request you again? And again? You block them. Finito...... 

But what happens when you have very important things to do in a very short time span? You google that person. Just to see. Because you will do anything to avoid your work and are also slightly masochistic. . . And lo and behold: this person has a Twitter account. Freaking Twitter. 

And Twitter quickly shows you that this person leads a rather unexceptional existence. . . except that it completely parallels your own. Like, completely. And you are more than a little freaked out. And now you can't get your work done because you just want to eat cookies and and forget that you weird distant relative who you despise on principal is kinda living a version of your life. 

And it's your own fault for googling them back in the first place. But Devil Commune that it is, google would have produced very little to bother anyone. Maybe 3 minutes of perusing article titles at most, and it'd all be over and forgotten. But no. It's the Twitter. The damn Twitter.  Slutty slutty, gang-banging with the Devil's entire pledge class, Twitter.

I want to be a Meat Scientist!

Position: Assistant Professor of Meat Sciences 
Salary: Unspecified
Institution: University of Alaska at Fairbanks 
Location: Alaska 
Date posted: 7/20/2009

The University of Alaska Fairbanks Northwest Campus is located in Nome, Alaska. Northwest Campus is part of UAF's College of Rural and Community Development and is located on the west coast of Alaska along the Bering Sea. Because Nome is off the Alaska road system, frequent village travel is by small commuter plane and village accommodations pose unexpected challenges for those without deep rural experiences.

This is a 9-month, non-tenure-track, term-funded position that will be providing instruction in the classroom, labs, and through distance deliver. Instructional areas may include but are not limited to: Reindeer husbandry, nutrition of reindeer, reindeer meat production, slaughtering techniques (according to state and USDA inspection) and value added processing of reindeer meat. The successful candidate must be able to collaborate with researchers to integrate research with current HLRM curriculum to solve scientific/technological/ economic problems relating to meat quality, processing, preservation, microbiology, safety, preparation, distribution and consumption of meat.

A Master of Science degree in reindeer husbandry or management, agricultural education, animal science, agricultural economics or technical agriculture is required. Candidates must have experience or have demonstrated an ability to teach in a multicultural setting.

Interested individuals should go to http://www.uakjobs.com for more information on this position and to submit an application. A cover letter which includes qualifications, a curriculum vitae and three current professional references with complete contact information are required. The position is open until filled. 

Contact information: Northwest Campus Phone: 907/443-8400 Northwest Campus Personnel Office or e-mail Gretchen Froehle at nngmf@uaf.edu.

The University of Alaska is an Affirmative Action, Equal Opportunity Employer. Women and minorities are encouraged to apply.