Why I love New York in the Springtime

Because my roommate ran into Ali from MTV's The City (crying anoxeric model) at a hardware store in Chelsea and it turns out, she doesn't actually cry all the time.

Because every high school in the country is having a class trip right now and the streets are filled with large packs of screaming teenagers.

Because Starbucks discontinued my favorite drink and replaced it with a less delicious variation that costs a dollar more. 

Tourists. I know I already said school trips, but I love tourists so much they get their own category.

The smells. That's right. Every bodily discharge that covers the streets and subway floors of this city, now smells ten times worse. 

And finally, because I become a cranky, boring old lady. I miss the cold. 

The Countdown Begins: 25 Days

Who will be the next love of Jillian's life??? Only time can tell. And ABC. And maybe that guy who blogs all the spoilers. And the vomit theory.

....until Jillian Harris is the new Bachelorette! 

OOOOOH YEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAHHHHHH!

Actually, she has probably wrapped filming and is happily engaged and is no longer a bachelorette at all. Still, in 25 days we get to relive the journey with her. We will laugh, we will cry, we will vomit in our mouths a little. But it will all be worth it, because she will find love. Well, if we're looking at the statistics of past Bachelor/Bachelorettes probably not. But one thing is for damned sure: we will be entertained. 

In honor of Jillian's second reality television show debut, here are the 2.5  (Because 25 will get painful) things I am most looking forward to:

1. Episode 1: Jillian makes all the bachelors dress hotdogs, putting the elusive Hot Dog Theory to the test. (On the Bachelor, Jason chose mustard which meant he was cool AND ready to commit. Maybe that was the exception that proved the rule?) The bachelor who steps up to eat all 25 hot dogs get a rose. He's a keeper because he can consume so much. Get it? He has space in his life for love. If he vomits, he gets booted automatically. Obviously afraid to commit. I like to call this the Vomit Theory.

2. The Finale: Jason's 4 year old son Ty shows up and tells Jillian that Jason made a mistake letting her go. (Jason is unavailable because he's on a cruise with Melissa- yes changed his mind again. They couldn't find a babysitter, gave Ty to ABC.... and those crazy network people put the kid on television, what?)

2.5 This is a half-prediction. An "upper half of the body" prediction, if you will.  

Jillian remembers she's on national television and keeps her hands off of the bachelor's asses. Actually she keeps her hands off the entire lower halves of the bachelors. Knees are excepted. As are ankles. Crotches are an obvious no-no. At least with hands. She can always get creative.*

*I'm not calling Jillian a slut. I think she's super awesome. I'm just saying, my rules aren't so rigid. There's room for leeway. And that is really what the Bachelor/ette is all about, right? Leeway. You can choose someone. And then dump them. Because even reality show writers should be allowed to change their minds.

When you turn 25, hotmail deletes your account.

My first birthday present this year: logging into hotmail to find my e-mail account (the one I've had for some 7 years) no longer exists. 

I honestly didn't think  25 was such a  big deal. Sure, it's a quarter century. Sure I'm closer to 30 than I am to 18. (SCARY.) And sure, I know that old people have trouble with technology...

But banning you from all e-mail? Or at least your e-mail past? Forced to create an online life anew? All the thousands of e-mails making up my young-adulthood are gone. *THOUGHT: I'm no longer an adult. I am a full-fledged adult. This is bigger than a bar-mitzvah and a confirmation, first menstruation, and loss of virginity altogether!

I'm not scared. It's a brand new stage in life. And Microsoft has ushered me in. It's like a personalized diploma from Bill Gates! 

Sure it means I'll lose all contact with everyone I've ever e-mailed, but that's alright. This is more than right of passage - it's religious conversion. Today, I am a brand new person. A 25 year old, with no friends beyond my cellphone contacts and no access to every love letter I received via e-mail since 2002. (Hey, they rack up faster than you might think.)

Maybe I'll open a google account. It just might be time. Oh and Facebook - I'll have to delete that profile, and start one with a new name to go with my new ADULT persona. Maybe get an appropriately adult glamor shot to go with.

I miss cupcakes with number-candles.

***UPDATE***

After a 12 hour glitch in the system that many hotmail users experienced, everything went back to normal. Unfortunately, I had already created a new facebook profile, legally changed my name and gotten a nose job. Oops. Might have jumped the gun a bit.....

Diary of a Procrastinator or The Internet is for Making You Feel Bad About Yourself.

8:32 - Arrive home. Shouldn't have gone for drink. Or stayed for second. That's okay. Home now. Had a social break. Will be twice as productive now. I can feel it: this is gonna be a good night.

8:45pm -  Check e-mail-both accounts, facebook and first account again to make sure there's nothing new. 

9:05 - make snack. 

9:08 - search for new snack, because first snack was just eating carrots sticks out of the fridge and was not filling.

9:10 - begin elaborate dinner making ritual

9:40 - sit down in front of television (purely for mealtime diversion), but find that most shows are 2/3rds of the way through. That's no way to eat! Go online and watch something (only 22 minutes!) on hulu. First check e-mail (both accounts), facebook and stalk random ex-best friend from elementary school. And her attractive med-school boyfriend (ie- what is wrong with him. How do I find out if he has herpes or is emotionally unavailable?)

10:23 - sit down to work. 

10:25 - check e-mail. Just in case there's something new. Just the one account. And one minute on facebook. Check the second e-mail account just for balance. 

10:31 - call college friend who lives on the West Coast to catch up. Because you haven't spoken to her in months and you used to be so close. Also, because it's appropriate-phone-call time there.

10:48 - Facebook stalk California friend - her new boyfriend, awesome job, supercool party she attended. Check e-mail when done: maybe I have a super cool life and someone sent me something cool. Nope.

11:10  - Hate self.

11:18 - Google peers who are doing more interesting/ exciting things than me. 

12:02am - Hate self alot.

12:06 - snack. Carrot sticks. I'm being healthy. This is good.

12: 07 - Eat chocolate bar that was hidden in freezer.

12:07:48 - Hate self for eating snack. And procrastinatory tendencies. And general failure at life. 

12:12 - Hate self for being so self-obsessed. Get back on computer! This is the late night adrenaline rush they all talk about. Life is good.

12:15 - Feel even worse because - a) no new e-mails or facebook messages b) having succumbed to warm glow of computer screen, promising false validation via internet.

12:20 - Look up important things I could do with my life that I'm not doing because I suck.

1:16 - E-mail, E-mail, Facebook, Self-Hatred.

1:22 - No more carrot sticks. 

1:24 - Go to 24 hour deli on corner and buy chocolate bar. And one extra to replace secret stash in freezer. Eat both before I get home.

1:34 - Stalk ex-boyfriends on facebook. 

1:56 - Hate self for being hatredly hate-worthy.

1:59 - Give self motivational pep-talk. Find renewed self of faith in self and joy in the world. Second wind. (Third wind?) Adrenaline rush.

2:06 - To the computer to finally get some work done! Better is late than never! Life is good! I am woman hear me roar!

2:10  - No internet love. Just self hatred. I gave in to the glow again. 

2:20 -  brush teeth. Tonight is a lost cause. 

2: 24 - no energy to floss. Even though I did absolutely NADA all night. Feel bad about that too.

2:35 - Unable to sleep. Hate self for staying up too late.

2:45 - watch something on computer (only 22 minutes!) to help fall asleep.

3: 07 - wide awake.

3:10 - FUCKING INTERNET WHY NO LOVE!!!!!?!?!?????

3:15am - watch another episode (only 22 minutes!)

11:03am - Awake. Slept through alarm by 3 hours. Missed all sorts of important things. But that's okay. Time to start day. New day. Everything is shiny and new and rife with potential.