Facebook has always been The Devil. And google is like the combined force of every other person (and there are many) who lives in the Devil's Frat House. And you think it can't possibly get worse than all that. Enter Twitter. Twitter, that slutty Gamma Phi Beta has teamed up with the entire Google Devil Fraternity to bring recreational stalking to a whole. New. Level.
Yes, this is something so intense, so dramatic, each word gets its own period.
What happens when an estranged family member you're never met and never want to meet Facebook messages you? You delete it. And when they friend request you? You decline. And when they message you again? And request you again? And again? You block them. Finito......
But what happens when you have very important things to do in a very short time span? You google that person. Just to see. Because you will do anything to avoid your work and are also slightly masochistic. . . And lo and behold: this person has a Twitter account. Freaking Twitter.
And Twitter quickly shows you that this person leads a rather unexceptional existence. . . except that it completely parallels your own. Like, completely. And you are more than a little freaked out. And now you can't get your work done because you just want to eat cookies and and forget that you weird distant relative who you despise on principal is kinda living a version of your life.
And it's your own fault for googling them back in the first place. But Devil Commune that it is, google would have produced very little to bother anyone. Maybe 3 minutes of perusing article titles at most, and it'd all be over and forgotten. But no. It's the Twitter. The damn Twitter. Slutty slutty, gang-banging with the Devil's entire pledge class, Twitter.
