Who will be the next love of Jillian's life??? Only time can tell. And ABC. And maybe that guy who blogs all the spoilers. And the vomit theory.....until Jillian Harris is the new Bachelorette!
OOOOOH YEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAHHHHHH!
Actually, she has probably wrapped filming and is happily engaged and is no longer a bachelorette at all. Still, in 25 days we get to relive the journey with her. We will laugh, we will cry, we will vomit in our mouths a little. But it will all be worth it, because she will find love. Well, if we're looking at the statistics of past Bachelor/Bachelorettes probably not. But one thing is for damned sure: we will be entertained.
In honor of Jillian's second reality television show debut, here are the 2.5 (Because 25 will get painful) things I am most looking forward to:
1. Episode 1: Jillian makes all the bachelors dress hotdogs, putting the elusive Hot Dog Theory to the test. (On the Bachelor, Jason chose mustard which meant he was cool AND ready to commit. Maybe that was the exception that proved the rule?) The bachelor who steps up to eat all 25 hot dogs get a rose. He's a keeper because he can consume so much. Get it? He has space in his life for love. If he vomits, he gets booted automatically. Obviously afraid to commit. I like to call this the Vomit Theory.
2. The Finale: Jason's 4 year old son Ty shows up and tells Jillian that Jason made a mistake letting her go. (Jason is unavailable because he's on a cruise with Melissa- yes changed his mind again. They couldn't find a babysitter, gave Ty to ABC.... and those crazy network people put the kid on television, what?)
2.5 This is a half-prediction. An "upper half of the body" prediction, if you will.
Jillian remembers she's on national television and keeps her hands off of the bachelor's asses. Actually she keeps her hands off the entire lower halves of the bachelors. Knees are excepted. As are ankles. Crotches are an obvious no-no. At least with hands. She can always get creative.*
*I'm not calling Jillian a slut. I think she's super awesome. I'm just saying, my rules aren't so rigid. There's room for leeway. And that is really what the Bachelor/ette is all about, right? Leeway. You can choose someone. And then dump them. Because even reality show writers should be allowed to change their minds.
