A Rubric of How to Gage a Presidential Candidate's Potential:
1. how ugly the candidate's spouse is (the uglier the spouse, the worse the candidate)
2. what kind of terminal illness the candidate has/ had
3. whether said candidate likes Jesus ("because people who like Jesus are so nice!)
4. how attractive the candidate is. (Note, this is of less importance than the attractiveness quotient of the spouse, but still important)
a. Does their face look strange or stupid?
b. Do they look at all like the opposite gender?
c. Do they just seem inexplicably weird to you?
5. Do they talk to dead babies?
This one necessitates a little further clarification.
Apparently, John Edwards, in arguing a malpractice case, spoke about how the hurt 9 month old baby must have felt when it was delivered poorly by a doctor and ended up sick.
Apparently, this is bad, and makes him a nut-case.
However, it is ok to believe that eggs are people, sperm have feelings, and week old fetuses should have freedom of expression, while grown-up women should not.
Hopefully, this will make picking your candidate much easier.
Too much? Maybe. But dinner was 5 hours long and the wine stopped coming by hour 2.
5. Do they talk to dead babies?
This one necessitates a little further clarification.
Apparently, John Edwards, in arguing a malpractice case, spoke about how the hurt 9 month old baby must have felt when it was delivered poorly by a doctor and ended up sick.
Apparently, this is bad, and makes him a nut-case.
However, it is ok to believe that eggs are people, sperm have feelings, and week old fetuses should have freedom of expression, while grown-up women should not.
Hopefully, this will make picking your candidate much easier.
Too much? Maybe. But dinner was 5 hours long and the wine stopped coming by hour 2.
