The other day, on a commercial break, I flipped to A Wedding Story. The groom was talking about his engagment and how the month before, he told his girlfriend that he didn't believe in marriage and didn't want to marry her, so that she would have "no idea" that he was about to propose and be "completely surprised". And then I flipped back to Friends. (The fact that I spend the my evenings watching re-runs of Friends and reality wedding shows is completely beside the point. But I do acknowledge that I have a problem.) On Friends, Chandler spends a whole episode convincing Monica he doesn't want to get married, so that he can carry-out his own surprise engagement.
Intrigued, yesterday I watched two more seemingly well-intentioned men sneak around, deceive their girlfriends and plan elaborately bizarre clandestine encounters..... Oh and did I mention this was an engagement-reality tv show? And so I ask: isn't it a little mind-boggling that our idea of romance correlates to how much we keep the woman in the dark? And I'm not talking about doing it with the lights off...
What's the idea? To catch her completely off guard so she can't say no? Have her so shaken and shocked and confused that despite her gripes and reservations, she's so amazed by the fact that you bought 1000 lime-colored helium balloons and lied about your whereabouts all week, that she'll decide "Yes!" on the spot? And for the "I'm not a marrying kind of guy... no wait: I am!" approach: is it that you want to first depress her, so that, in comparison, your proposal will make her happy, thus making her think she's actually ecstatic about spending her life with you, and not just at the prospect of no longer being rejected?
I know, I know. Lots of people love each other and want to get married and a well-planned engagement shows you care or something. Still, when you think about it, isn't it a little strange that our ultimate choice of life partners is based on the extent to which they execute deception? Or rather, the extent to which a given eligible bachelor can take control over a situation, leaving the lady rather agency-less, and smiling because of it? Is it 1957? I think maybe. Only with better hair.
Actually I take that last part back too. The reality show bride always wears waaaay to much hairspray. And the future-fiance never knows she's going to be transported straight from her morning work-out to a romantic restaurant and a couple million viewers at home and, as such, does not take the time to blow-dry.
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