And yet, I am constantly forced to gaze upon my friends' endlessly changing "relationship status" updates (read: we're on again! We're off again! It's complicated! We're off again! We're engaged! Just kidding-but we're on again! And it's complicated!); friends-of-signif-others' wall postings ("You guys are so cute!" "Hope to meet you at another random party next time you're in town!" "How's the GF who is actually my original friend, but it's more fun to write on your wall HI SARAH!") or groups dedicated to road trip to some uncle's cottage in "the country" which is actually just a suburb of Queens (should such a thing exist, though never having travelled to the outer-limits of Queens, I guess I can't really say for sure. But it's like astrophysics, I think. We haven't been all the way out there, but we can see what's being sent back down to earth where we are, and from this infer.).
Having been a proud participant of a dysfunctionally healthy relationship for some time now, I can happily say that we are nowhere on facebook. Or friendster. Or myspace. Why? Well, as fun as expressing one's monogamy in front of a mirror may be, it's not so fun for everyone else, who's not engaged in said act. Well, unless you're actually watching the sex, in which case, that's porn. But all the internet friend-network testaments to more-than-friendship that I've been subject to, are decidedly PG.
And don't get me wrong--I am all for love and lust and broadcasting it all over the internet, if that's your thing. It's that I have to go through 30 picturess of the happy two-some ("me and significant other at restaurant #1", "me and significant other at restaurant: #17,". "me, significant other and significant other's baby cousin who is ugly but I'll say cute and put up pictures because I am in a facebook relationship weeee!!!") before I can find the picture of us hanging out at a bar when you still had balls and didn't add pink-heart-borders to all your pictures!
And I get it: you didn't have a girlfriend/boyfriend in highschool and now you want us all to know. But let us know once. Your profile picture of you two kissing in a park and updated relationship status will do the trick, I promise. One picture may tell 1,000 words, but 1,000 pictures doesn't notify 1,000,000 people that you're in a relationship. I promise. That's not how it works.
Point being: I have to see the profile of one more intelligent, mentally-sound friend fall victim to heart-shaped cookie gifts, groups with joking "future baby pics" and postings of 'xox' as far as the I can see, I am threatening de-frienship! And if we have learned anything today, it is the importance of facebook titles to any relationship.
Facebook romances may not be fleeting, and I can accept that. But if this nauseating trend doesn't fade fast, I'm fleeing facebook.
